Don't want to be worthless?
How to gain self-value

As opposed to self-love which means learning to be okay with who you are, self-value is about being okay with what you do. That is a factor in two different respects. First, it means being okay with your imperfection; making mistakes, having it wrong or not being able to do something. Second, and kind of in line with the first, it means giving value to what you do. This makes a lot of sense when you consider the origins.

As a child, you were presented with over-parenting or under-parenting to learn these dynamics. In the case of under-parenting you weren't given enough attention when you did something. Your successes weren't celebrated. Therefore, you mostly received value by what you did for others. Further, what you did for yourself wasn't reinforced, so you don't feel strongly about those things. You question them, so you are vulnerable to any opposition to your doing things. This dovetails with the aspect of being over-parented. In this case you weren't allowed to make choices for yourself. You were given a tightly-constrained sandbox. So whether it was the lack of freedom of choice or limiting what you could choose, the lesson was that you didn't get to decide what was appropriate.

The simple solution to this shortcoming is not only doing for yourself, but also being okay with it. It's about value your needs and rights. That includes being able to stick up for yourself, something you are loathe do to at time. After all, you were taught that your feeling good is not important. You only get to feel good when you are making someone else feel good. It's a very unhealtht subservience attitude. You exist for the benefit of others.

Self-care factors into this in a big way. Yon don't but things for yourself and you don't look after yourself. As a result, you can become very drained. Alternately, this also comes into play during self-affirmation. You don't take care of your successes so to speak. You question them. As a result, any opposition that challenges your intelligence or strength or even general respect can make you feel ashamed. You must learn to be proud of what you do, and if the people that you are with aren't helping you do that? Well, it's probably time to find a new person or group of people. We all matter and we all have value.

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