I feel ashamed
Sadness is common
I serve others (don’t do for me)
I don’t speak up for myself
I feel dumb, weak or inadequate
I dislike being reviewed
You are often defensive or sensitive
If under-parented, a need to prove yourself
This person walks around feeling like they don't deserve things. They don't do for themselves and find their value in doing for others. If there's nothing they can do for anyone else, well, they may just sit around and do nothing, explaining why you may find them quietly hanging out in the corner (or in their cubicle).
This person is loathe to stick up for themselves, which makes them a good match for the "Bad" Persona, albeit in a dysfunctional manner. Even if you behave poorly towards them, they will somehow justify letting you get away with it. After all, their feelings are unimportant, so why make you feel bad with a complaint, even if it is completely correct, totally justified, and enabling with its absence. They are enablers.
What they do is the issue for this person, so these people look for jobs where they can be of service. They can actually be very good workers, although you do have to direct them. So unless you're constantly telling them what to do - including taking care of themselves so they don't burn out - they won't be good at self-starting. They're definitely not great at collaborating as they are concerned about their input making them look dumb or weak, and that is a key point, because they will be quiet and will often withhold telling you what they really think. Until it comes boiling out, of course, in which case you become flooded. But don't worry, most of the time they'll just be draining, forever needing you to get them going. In the extreme, this person becomes a martyr.
When we are born, we know nothing. We take cues from our environment. If that environment for the first three years of our life says we don't inherently have value, it becomes part of our subconscious read of life. In this case, everything we see and hear and think is colored with the preconception "What does this say about me?". So how does this happen? It's actually pretty simple.
We have created a simple matrix to show you how this happens. In this instance, it is how our caregivers respond to us in general. If they fail to let us choose our own successes or celebrate the ones we do have, we don't learn to do for ourselves. We are taught that our existence is for their benefit.
|Do I have Discretion?|
|Am I Good?|