Don't want to be negative?
How to gain self-love

I'm going to give you what may seem like some weird advice. You need to see the good in others. This is not about seeing the good in you. It is about not seeing the bad or, to put it a better way, it's about seeing bad as a natural and acceptable element but just a very small part of what anyone is. After all, we are all imperfect, but the vast majority of time we are good. So it is about where you choose to focus.

At the root of all this is the notion that you literally walk around feeling bad. You experience negative sensations that you want to either rid yourself of or justify. In the case of the former that is often dulling the sensation, either through external sources (like alcohol and painkillers) or self-destructive exercises until you become desensitized to the feeling. In both cases, obviously, these are negative coping mechanisms you want to avoid. And there's one other counterproductive exercise you definitely need to stop. Judging others.

This is the origin of the phrase "misery loves company". There is some logic to it although it's not very desirable. It says if I'm bad and I see you as being equally bad, then it's okay that i'm bad because we all are. That's not only a very unhealthy viewpoint, of course, but it is also wrong. The main reason is that it is a blanket statement. It associates the person with the behavior when they are wholly separate. During the course of any given day we do dozens if not hundreds of things. Many of them are benign and a good portion more of them are beneficial. A small fraction may be undesirable - as in the case of our making a mistake 0 and very few if any are downright bad. So if you're doing the wrong thing 1% of the time in a worse case scenario, it doesn't make sense to call yourself bad. So let's get back to others.

Every time you talk to someone else you are, in fact, talking to yourself. When you put someone else down, you are saying that 1) I am associating you as a whole with a single thing you did *and* 2) I am saying that one improper thing is symbolic of everything you do. To say you are being persnickety is the least of it. In reality, you are being grossly inaccurate. If you wanted to look at trends and say some anomaly was representative of a whole situation, you'd look like a fool. It's like walking outside at night and saying it is always dark here. That simply isn't true.

Return to the complimenting others, this is something you need to do on a regular basis, and I mean at hourly, until the momentum starts to change. If you think that idea is silly then I'll tell you that you really don't want to change. I say that because it is all about what you feel. And saying something negative - even if it completely valid - doesn't feel good. That's because we have emotions and that's how emotions work. When we make someone else feel bad, we feel bad. Always. And while I don't want you to stop looking at the downside of a situation or remove your ability to make complaints, I want you to put positive takes on things out there. And by out there I mean saying it, writing it, whatever means you have available to you to tell others that you see the good in them and that you like them. Because once you start doing that to others, you will unavoidably start doing it to yourself. Plus, you will acutally feel better in the process.

Do I have Discretion?
HeartCompass
Am I Good?
When you are ready to confront the lies, EmotionalAlignment.com. Change the way you think.
Improve our algorithm.
We aim to help people easily and accurately identify their emotional void. If you don't believe any of the four questions apply to you, email INFO (at) HeartMash.com and we will give you a free emotions inventory. That will help us build a 100% foolproof self-help system.
START | HOME | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy   © 2020