I feel guilty
Anger is common
I judge others
I criticize myself a lot
I feel bad, unwanted
I dislike socializing
This person walks around with a chip on their shoulder. After all, they constantly don't feel good about themselves. They have a negative inner-critic that tells them so and don't you dare try to tell them otherwise. Life sucks and you better agree or deal with their scathing tongue as a consequence. So you may find solace in the fact that they'll be reclusive to avoid that nasty feeling they get when they are with others.
Who they are is the issue. They don't have to do anything to feel this way. There are some people that can influence this feeling - like family members, close friends and especially their significant others - but for the most part this is self-propelled.
People with this persona will often gravitate to jobs where they can get away with their nasty behavior. This includes managers (I'm tough because I have to be!), tenured positions and jobs requiring a specialized skill where it's hard to get them fired for their lack of professionalism. Regardless, the coping mechanism is to explain the obvious negativity away by saying it's not them, it's the situation or envionment. In the extreme, this person will become a sociopath.
When we are born, we know nothing. We take cues from our environment. If that environment for the first three years of our life says we are not good, it becomes part of our subconscious read of life. In this case, everything we see and hear and think is colored with the preconception "Is this telling me I'm not good?". So how does this happen? It's actually pretty simple.
We have created a simple matrix to show you how this happens. In this instance, it is how our caregivers respond to us in general. If they are negative or negligent - and definitely if they are abusive - we are left to ponder why we are being punished. After all, we didn't do anything. We merely existed. So if there is something wrong with that, logic would dictate that we are inherently bad.
The problem isn't so much that parents don't have this knowledge. They don't and that is a problem. However, even if they knew the right thing to do - like figuring out what percentage of the time they are cherishing their child versus connoting something negative - the question would become "do they have the ability to do the right thing?". That's because in a real world situation where you have two primary caregivers working to maintain the household, you have some very stressed individuals. So even if they might normally have a desire and capacity to make you feel like you are wanted, they may be so wrapped up in their lives that they have little abilty to do what is right for you.
|Do I have Discretion?|
|Am I Good?|