Hopelessness and despair are developed in two different ways, one from over-parenting and the other from under-parenting. In the "over" case, when you failed as a child you were criticized or otherwise received negative feedback. In the "under" case, your failure was simply left unnoticed, whether that was because your caregivers either were unaware of your attempt or ignored it as being unimportant. Regardless, in both cases you did not build an age-appropriate perseverance system. That means, with increasing complexity, you need to have learned that failing along the way was a natural thing and that you needed to learn how to adjust and push through things. Because your caregivers didn't give you support at those times, you learned to see reasons to stop versus obstacles to overcome.
To overcome this dilemma, the main thing you need to learn is working through things. Ironically, as an adult, you will usually have the abilty to figure things out. The truth is you merely "feel" that you don't. And when I say feel, I mean physically feel. When you experience an obstacle - and sometimes when you're even just considering doing something or taking on responsibilty - you will have a physical sensation, I liken it to a flutter or a racy feeling, that makes you want to give up or not commit. What you need to learn to do is challenge this feeling as being misleading. Over time, as you start to dispel this myth, you will slowly reduce the impact this physical sensation has on your decision making.
One good advantage of this deficit is that, like the "am I good?" shortcoming, it is something you can easily enlist others to help. The important thing to note it's as cheerleaders and not as servants. Meaning, they can't help you figure things out or help you work through the logic of it, but rather they should merely let you know that you can achieve what you want. They can't do for you but should tell you that you can do it yourself. They can prompt you with good questions, but not give you answers. A verbal positive reinforcement so to speak in your capabilities or prompting. As with all change, it is about the mometum, so celebrate your little successes at first and know that, with time, you will also the memories that say you don't know how to succeed. In the end, no one does, and it's about constant feedback and adapting as you learn more.
|Do I have Discretion?|
|Am I Good?|